So an interesting development in the work drama saga: I have learned that I legally have the right to only have my preferred name appear on things like the schedule and the time clock at work. I’m not sure about the specifics on this exactly, but if anyone does know about them, I would greatly appreciate the info! I am going to wait until after the holiday season, when I will *hopefully* no longer be a “part-time, seasonal” employee to ask again that my preferred name be the one printed on the schedule and in the time clock. I’m going to wait because as a “part-time, seasonal” employee, I can be let go at any time and without the managers having to give me a reason. But I’m pretty sure they have to list their reasons for letting go of people who are not seasonal, and it’s illegal to fire someone because they’re trans*, so I’ll wait until I have that protection… of course, they could just list another reason for firing me, but at least I feel like my position is a little bit more secure that way.
In other news, my partner just gave me a haircut! It was getting way too long and all over my face. It’s a big relief having it short again. It’s only been a few days but I’ve really noticed that acquaintances or people I don’t know very well seem to be a bit colder toward me… It’s not like my hair was THAT much longer before, but now that it’s shorter it’s almost like people are looking down on me for moving in the opposite direction of normative gender conformity. And I realize that maybe I’m imagining this, maybe it’s just been a coincidence that the people around me have been in bad moods, but as a friend of mine once said, “someone could be looking at me funny because my shoe is untied or because I have food on my face, or maybe they’re looking at someone else entirely, but my brain is always going to go straight to “I wonder if they’re looking at me because I’m trans*.” I dread comments like, “oh your hair looks nice but I liked it longer.” Because for me, it’s a matter of feeling comfortable, of not feeling anxious every time I look in a mirror. I cut my hair because I wanted to, not because I was looking for anyone’s approval.
As I settle more and more into the fact that I’m probably not going to find a job doing social justice/community-based/gender equity type work until after I attend grad school, and that until then I’m going to be stuck working somewhere I’m not thrilled about, I’m trying to prioritize having fun. So I’m hanging out with friends, making new friends, reading for pleasure, writing for pleasure, and brainstorming free ways to enjoy my time outside of work. Having pets really helps because they keep me busy, get me moving, and love to cuddle <3. If I don’t prioritize these things, I find myself moping around feeling sorry for myself, dwelling on the bad things in my life, as opposed to thinking about all the great things in my life. So, here’s to de-stressing, strengthening relationships, and learning to enjoy life.
That’s all for now, Until next time…