Monthly Archives: January 2014

talking at myself… some more

The other day, someone made a comment to me that really resonated. We were sitting on a couch together, at a party, kind of surveying the whole thing, and they said: “Straight parties are weird, huh?” At the time I was like, “yeah, they are.” Before having this conversation, I had noticed people staring at me at the party, not sure what to make of me. I was reminded of why I rarely step out of my social comfort zone (aka queer spaces): because “straight parties are weird.” Meeting new people and making new friends can be hard no matter what the circumstances, but add judgment about gender and sexuality on top of that and you have a pretty dang uncomfortable situation. It’s just sooooo much easier to stay in the spaces where assumptions ARENT made about my gender or sexuality. And then I started thinking about what about when (if ever) I go on T and/or get top surgery… I may start being read as a man. My partner and I would be read in many spaces as a straight couple… so then would I feel comfortable at “straight parties”? No. I realized I will probably never feel comfortable in predominantly straight spaces because those spaces will still contain judgments/stereotypes about gender and sexuality and just because maybe those judgments wont be directed right at me, they’ll still make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I’m never going to be comfortable with “casual” misogyny/homophobia/transphobia/etc. I will always be that “buzz kill” who is not going to let those comments go by un-checked. Albeit, I’m not saying I’m perfect at speaking up, but I do try to as much as I can. So… just more thoughts about what life might be like once (if ever) I’m “further” along in my transition.

side note: I use “if ever” a lot when I’m talking about hormones and surgery for myself because I’m still trying to un-pack those topics and where I stand on them as far as my identity goes, as well as figure out if they are even feasibly accessible for me… and I use “further” in quotes, in regards to my transition, because I think the idea that my transition progress is based on hormones or surgery is silly. I view transition as more of a process/relationship with my identity and presentation as opposed to a linear journey that must follow certain steps to be considered a “genuine transition”. I should probably just stop referring to my transition that way entirely, as opposed to sarcastically using quotes and parentheses then… ahhh process.

I guess that’s enough talking at my self/working through my thoughts for one post 😛 Until next time…


A Few Thoughts

Wellllll, a few things have developed in the past few days! 1) I followed up with my managers at work about changing my name in the system. They were reluctant at first but when I pressed a little harder saying that they were required by law to accommodate my preferred name, somehow they instantly became more receptive. Now the only issue is that they issue my paycheck to my preferred name, which of course is not currently my legal name, making it impossible for me to cash… But I think I’ve found a sneaky way around it. It just goes to show that these bureaucratic systems are NOT set up or prepared to accommodate trans* folks, or anyone with a different preferred name than their legal name, for that matter. 2) I may have found a job I will enjoy a great deal more than the retail position I currently hold! However, it’s not full time so most likely I will have to keep both positions… But at least I’ll enjoy one of my jobs!

Now I’d like to talk about a greater development in the world. Charges have been filed against transgender teen, Jewlyes Gutierrez, after she defended herself from bullies at school, after having put up with the bullying for years. Coincidentally this is occurring at about the same time as Cece McDonald is being released from prison, where she was placed for defending herself from a transphobic attack. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. If anyone else were defending themselves from bullying at school, the school district would deal with it. That is EXACTLY what should happen here. All students involved in the bullying and the altercation should be dealt with by the school district, in accordance with their policies on bullying and fighting. When trans* youth get no support from school administration, of course they are going to find another way to defend themselves. Any student would do that. The school administration needs to take responsibility FIRST for not supporting this student and stopping the bullies before it could reach this point and second for the violence that occurred on their campus among their students. Please sign the petition asking the DA to drop the charges against Jewlyes.

Well, I guess that’s all for now. Until next time…

[insert “new beginning” cliche here]

So, my last post was about feeling hopeful about the New Year, and thinking about all the things that may or may not happen this year. A few days after writing that post, I read Virgie Tovar’s post about feeling good about not having any new year’s resolutions. As it’s only the 7th day of the New Year, I’ve of course been bombarded with ads, articles, and people’s statuses/posts about their new year’s resolutions or lack thereof. While I do admit that starting a New Year does feel like [insert “new beginning” cliché here], I can also see the ridiculousness of New Year’s resolutions. I feel like they are mainly driven by capitalist-consumer culture. Particularly because I work in retail, it’s been easy to see how the way the store is set up, and the ads put on prominent display are geared toward customers with new year’s resolutions, i.e. the “active” section was moved to the front of the store, “healthy” cook-books were moved to the “impulse buy” section, the organizational (cabinet dividers, containers, etc.) section has expanded… and I can’t help but feel that it’s all so forced. Not only are oppressive lifestyle standards being reinforced, the sustainability of these resolutions is called into questions. It just seems to me that permanent and meaningful change is not affected by the date, it’s affected by personality, conviction, necessity etc. Now, maybe someone has reached the point in their life where they are ready to commit to a huge lifestyle change and that just happens to fall on the 1st of the year, but let’s wake up and smell the capitalist rhetoric behind mass new year’s resolutions!!

In other news, I’m getting ready to apply to grad school! When I graduated from undergrad, I was very much of never-going-to-grad-school mindset. However, since the undergrad bubble burst, I have been realizing that it’s going to be pretty hard for me to get involved in social justice, community-based, advocacy type work without a masters degree… at least I’m hoping that will be the key. So, with that as my motivation, I will be applying for grad school and hopefully starting in the fall! Here’s to working to achieve life goals.

That’s all for now, Until next time…