Transition

I’ve been following the Janet Mock and Piers Morgan interviews/social media storm over the past few days (Team Janet forever and always, the way she held her own in the face of Piers Morgan’s ignorance and defensive bullshit was incredibly inspiring), and it has made me think even more about, among many things, transition. A word that is used in so many contexts in so many situations. Transition applies to my life in so many ways, transitioning to new jobs, new homes, new ways of thinking, being in school, being out of school, and of course, gender presentation and identity. Transition often means change, discomfort, clumsiness, slip-ups, ups, downs, etc. It’s often a multi-step process of adjusting to something. Lots of times transition leads to an end feeling of adjustment, of having transitioned. However, in regards to gender, I personally feel like I’m never going to have finished my transition. Maybe this is not a common feeling in the transgender community, maybe some people have very specific steps/goals in their transition and once they meet them, they consider themselves done. However, for myself especially because I identify as non-binary, I don’t really have an end goal for transition. I feel like my gender identity is probably going to be in constant flux. I feel like this is the case for myself, for many reasons:

  1. Being non-binary, I don’t have a specific ideal gender presentation/identity that I’m trying to achieve, I just basically know what I don’t identify as, so it’s kind of an ongoing process of trying things out or feeling a certain way for a while and then maybe feeling another way for a while.
  2. I’m not really sure yet if I’m ever going to get surgery or go on hormones, so what could be labeled as the medical aspects of my transition are very much up in the air and I don’t really feel like I’m going to reach closure on them soon.
  3. Kind of a follow-up to the 2nd point, but if I do decide at some point to go on hormones or get surgery, that’s going to take finances which would definitely take a good chunk of time for me to scrape together.
  4. The legal/bureaucratic aspects of my transition are also going to take a while… the legal name change process is long, complicated and expensive (there is a fee waiver, at least here in CA, but again, complicated), not to mention, do I want to legally change my gender marker? Hmmm… while I don’t identify as or use the pronoun “he”, if I ever do go on hormones/get top surgery, I may have some difficulty using an ID that says “she” on it…
  5. “coming out” to my family is… well, complicated, of course. I haven’t decided if I’m in a place where I’m comfortable coming out to them and having some of them say that they aren’t going to associate with me anymore…

I feel like my life is going to be a constant transition, and that’s ok with me. Finding a way to feel comfortable in transition has been and continues to challenge me, but it’s the only way I feel true to myself.

In other, not so related news, here’s a list of ableist terms to avoid I came across on tumblr. In case you are looking for ways to make your language more inclusive. Words are powerful and precious ❤

I guess that’s all for now, Until next time…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s