Sometimes I forget that unlearning all the internalized oppressive crap that has been instilled in me is an ongoing process. Sometimes I get to a point where I feel like “yep, I’ve unlearned it all, I’m good to go.” And the next thing I know a thought will pop into my head or I’ll do something without thinking and afterwards I pause and go “hey wait a minute, that was really messed up… I guess I haven’t unlearned it all…” And that’s kind of a disheartening thought, realizing just how entrenched all of these messed up values are in me is really distressing. At the same time, it’s an invaluable reminder of the fact that I will never be done unlearning. I live in a society where these horrible ideas are all around me, therefore it is a constant battle to say “no, that’s not right.” But it’s a worthwhile battle because all of the racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, sexist, etc. crap that we are bombarded with on a daily basis is not ok. And I’m not just going to give in to it just because it’s hard to recognize it and unlearn it.
At the same time, I struggle with remembering that others are working on unlearning it too and it’s not my place to judge their process. It’s really important for me to remember that I hate the system that puts these ideas in place, I don’t hate the people that the ideas have been instilled in. Hating people instead of hating the system is a distraction, it is an obstacle in the way of real change. We are all struggling to unlearn the idea that we do not deserve good things and neither do others, for whatever reason. We are all worthy of love. We are all worthy of respect.