Category Archives: Questions

Questioning

I have been thinking quite a bit, as usual, about my gender identity and presentation and how I would/will feel most comfortable. I have been questioning myself a bit more than usual lately. I’m usually plagued by thoughts of “what if I start hormone therapy and I don’t feel this way in 5 years or 10 years, etc.” Recently I’ve started thinking about the fact that if I start hormone therapy and if sometime in the (distant) future I was able to somehow find the money for top surgery, that I would start passing as a man. As someone who identifies as a non-binary trans* person, I struggle with the idea of being read consistently as a woman or a man. Currently I am mostly read as a woman, a situation that I’m not happy with… but would I really be happy being mostly read as a man? Probably not… but if I’m going to be misgendered either way, wouldn’t it be better for me to at least feel less dysphoric, and more like my presentation/body match my gender identity? I’ve also been questioning whether or not I desire to be more masculine of center in my presentation because of my romantic/sexual preferences. Admittedly, my preferences are not super clearly defined, they have ranged far and wide; however, I would say that more often than not, they tend toward femme individuals… and as someone who has grown up in a society where the dominant narrative insists that femme people are supposed to be with masculine people, I worry that this has affected my feelings about my gender. Because, our preferences/tendencies do not exist in a vacuum, they were/are formed and/or at least influenced by the society(ies) we grow up in… These are the questions I’m currently grappling with.

Until next time…